So it’s been a while! 8 months to be exact. The last post in our adoption story was definitely unexpected and extremely hard. But this one brings new light and hope! Let me give you the real, raw low down on what’s happened over the past 8 months, friends…
After last year’s failed adoption in late October, it took us several months to process what had happened and work through the feelings & emotions. Crazy what all we felt. Honestly, there are still some days that we struggle with all of it. But God has been faithful and gracious, as always. His mercies are new every morning and His loves never fails. One day at a time, one step at a time, we stayed the course and got everything updated at the agency so we could start to be shown again to birth moms as they came in.
In early March of this year, we were making dinner and my phone rang. It was the agency. Anytime they call, my heart skips a beat. After a lengthy conversation regarding two different birth moms who were due one in August, one in September & some other special situations, the question was…”Do you want us to show your profile to either of them?”
The questions flowed in…are we ready to put ourselves out there again? Can we handle this? Can our girls handle this? Does this make financial sense? What if it fails again? But what if this could really be our son? Although we might not have felt strong enough yet to “do it all again” or “start over”, we knew God had called us to this and would provide what we needed. It’s not about us, but Him. It’s about a child’s life and the love we have to give.
“YES, you can show our profile to them.”
Fast forward just a few short weeks. Sitting at my desk doing some work late one afternoon and my phone rings. The agency. Is this it? THE CALL?
As the sweet lady from the agency spoke the words, “You have been chosen again…”, it honestly didn’t feel real. I think she was just as nervous to tell me as I was to hear it! It didn’t set in. I honestly felt nothing. And felt bad that I felt nothing. What was wrong with me? I realized in that moment how hardened & protective my heart had become. God, forgive me.
I hung up the phone and immediately called Ryan, then my mom, siblings, my best friends. I asked them if they were ready to walk this road again. We all were kind of in shock and not sure how to feel. We told our girls and they had the the we-will-just-wait-and-see attitude. I couldn’t blame them.
Don’t get excited. Don’t get your hopes up. This is all I could tell myself for weeks. As a family, we prayed. For the new birth mom. For the baby. But we didn’t talk much about it otherwise. We didn’t want to prepare a nursery. Not yet.
Ryan & I had the first official matching call with the birth mom. It was super easy. Quick. She was incredibly sweet and seemed excited about our family.
Late April, we had our first meeting set up with her. We were to meet for dinner with her & the agency rep. We were more nervous this time than I remember being last year. I think we were honestly just scared of being hurt again. But once again, we realized…it’s not about us. On the drive there, Ryan & I talked through all of this a lot. Thankful to have such a strong husband to walk this journey with. God knew we needed each other in this life.
As we waited at the front of the restaurant with the lady from the agency, the clock was ticking. She didn’t show up at the time we had agreed upon and worry set it. Had she already changed her mind? Did something happen? Is this really going to happen again, God? Ryan & I looked at each other and didn’t have to say a word. The agency rep was texting her as she walked through the front door. She was running late because it had taken longer to get her oil changed on her car than she anticipated. Sweet relief. She apologized and we headed to sit at our table. I know she must have been just as nervous or even more so than we were.
She was beautiful. She was so kind. We enjoyed our time with her just getting to know her. It was easy and honestly quite comfortable. It’s amazing how much love you feel towards a woman you hardly know. Not to mention the love for the tiny human being formed inside of her. It’s truly incredible. As we left and I embraced her, I felt God whisper to me, “Trust me.”
As we drove back home late that night, we felt very uplifted and good about it. Time to prepare the nursery. Time to embrace this really might happen. Just breathe and trust. Move forward. Do the next right thing. God’s got you. God’s got Levi.
Over the next couple of months, we have texted and received many updates about our birth mom. All good. She is so independent. She is working hard to better her life, going to school and preparing for the future. She feels well even though it is extremely hot in Texas! Sonogram shows baby boy is doing fabulous. Her texts to me are always so sweet and thoughtful, even though I know she has her struggles and is also preparing for the grieving ahead. Things are moving forward positively and smoothly. No drama and no red flags (like last year). I thank God for this so much as last year took a toll on me many days.
We have prayed daily and feel the prayers of our amazing friends. It means the world the messages we have received just filled with encouragement and prayers. We are now two weeks away from due date. We have done some arranging in our house as we prepare. The nursery is officially ready. All of Miles’ tiny clothes have been washed and put away for baby brother.
So my friends…
Our home is ready.
Our hearts are ready.
Our kids are excited to meet their brother.
We are ready to see what only God can do.
We don’t know what tomorrow holds, but beyond grateful we know without a doubt WHO holds tomorrow.
And now we wait for the next phone call…