Pink & Blue: Session 2 Notes

(This session was split up – guys & gals, so here’s the lesson for each)

Pink & Blue: Session 2

Guys

Ephesians 5:33 – “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

  • Recap of The Crazy Cycle – Without love she reacts without respect. Without repect he reacts without love.
  • The key to motivating a person is meeting their deepest felt need during conflict. Her need is LOVE. How do you show love to your wife?

COUPLE

Closeness

  • When you want to be with her Face to Face.

Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

Song of Solomon 3:4 – “…when I found him whom my soul loves; I held onto him and would not let him go…”

*Example: Little girl grabs Daddy’s face to “look at me!” while she’s talking b/c she doesn’t think he’s listening otherwise.

  • Practical appications: hold her hand, hug her, physically touch nonsexually

Openness

When you aren’t secretly mad at her.

Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them.”

  • Openness will help you learn a great insight about sex!
  • Practical applications: share your feelings, tell her something about your day, talk without harshness or grunting

Understanding

  • When you empathize with her.

1 Peter 3:7 – “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she Is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

  • LISTEN to her! Try to understand her and care for her concerns.
  • Ask her if she needs a listening ear or wants advice before responding.
  • Understanding your wife will flood her soul with your love.
  • Practical applications: listen to her, repeat back so she knows you are listening, express appreciation for her contribution

Peacemaking

  • When you resolve/reconcile with her.

1 Corinthians 7:28 – But if you marry, you will not have sinned…Yet such will have trouble in this life…”

1 Corinthians 7:4 – “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

Matthew 19:6 – “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” – Who is the “man” in this phrase?

  • Unity is vital in marriage and peacemaking is a key to achieving it.
  • Practical applications: apologize when you are wrong with “I am sorry.”, keep the relationship up to date – resolve the unresolved, pray after a hurtful time

Loyalty

  • When you are completely committed to her.
  • Til death do us part.

Malachi 2:14 – “…the wife of your youth…she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

  • Pornography – make a covenant with your eyes.
  • Loyalty isn’t about your wife – its’ about your covenant with Jesus Christ.
  • Practical applications: don’t look at other women, speak positive things to her about others, do not bring the “D” word

Esteem

  • When you treasure her above all else.

*She is the Queen – make that known to your kids.

  • Practical applications: verbally support and honor her in front of her children, praise her, value her opinion

Gals

Ephesians 5:33 – “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

  • Recap of The Crazy Cycle – Without love she reacts without respect. Without repect he reacts without love.
  • When you honor and respect a man, he wants to serve and love.

CHAIRS

Conquest

  • Appreciating his desire to work and achieve.

Genesis 2:15 – “The Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate and keep it.” – God instilled the desire to work into their being from the beginning of time w/Adam.

*Men view their career as a call. Thank your husband for working! Watch your negative comments related to his work or career – they could be construed as disrespect in his blue hearing aids.

  • Practical applications: tell him thanks for going to work today, cheer his successes, ask about his dreams

Hierarchy

  • Appreciating his desire to protect, provide, and even die.

1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith and is worth than an unbeliever.”

Nehemiah 4:14 – “…Fight for…your wives and your houses.”

*If someone were to break into your house, who would protect? Who would fight to the death?

*On the Titantic, women and children were ordered to go on the life boats first. Men stay behind – they are prepared to die to protect.

Ephesians 5:23, 24 “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – This is a huge responsibility for men!

  • Submission means to respect the spirit of your husband. It’s an attitude.
  • Respect his desire to be an umbrella of protection over you, his desire to provide for you and his willingness to die for you – this will motivate his love.
  • Practical applications: admire his heavy role, tell him you are deeply touched that he would die for you, praise his commitment to bring home the bacon

Authority

  • Appreciating his desire to be strong, to lead, and make decisions.
  • Husbands see themselves as strong and feel called to be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13 – “…act like men, be strong…”

1 Kings 2:2 – “Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man.” – Naturally men are taller, bigger, stronger, and have authority

1 Timothy 3:5 – “If a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” – Give him authority or you are setting yourself up for failure.

  • Practical applications: tell him he is strong and squeeze his muscles, praise the good decisions and minimize the criticism of the poor ones, honor his authority in front of the kids – if you differ, do that in private

Insight

  • Appreciating his desire to analyze and counsel.
  • Men are solution oriented – they want to solve the problem.

*Sometimes when you are telling your husband what’s the matter, you just want a listening ear, but because of how he’s wired he gives advice. If you get mad at him for providing advice, he can feel judged or belittled which feels like disrespect.

  • Practical applications: tell him thanks for your advice and knowledge, let him fix things, applaud his solutions, tell him upfront you need a listening ear

Relationship

  • Appreciating his desire for a shoulder to shoulder friendship.

Song of Solomon 5:1, 16 – “…friends…O lovers…This is my beloved and this is my friend.”

  • During courtship, you were best friends. Hold on to that!
  • Men like you to just be there – not talking, just there.

* Take a walk and talk, shoulder to shoulder. They will open up more this way. Or, sit with him as he works on a hobby.

  • Practical applications: tell him you like him, do recreational activities with him or watch him do them, don’t always talk about the kids, encourage time alone for him

Sexuality

  • Appreciating his desire for sexual intimacy.
  • Act of worship, not perverted.

Proverbs 5:19 – “Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love.”

  • Respond to his desire for sex and see if this man of honor does not soften and reach out to serve and love you in many ways.
  • Devil does everything he can to get us together before marriage and everything he can to keep us apart after.
  • Practical applications: initiate periodically, respond positively more often, let him acknowledge his sexual temptations w/out shaming him, dress up for your man like when you were dating