We LOVE our community group. We have made some really great friends – truly awesome people. We feel blessed to have each one of them in our lives. They have helped us, prayed for us, encouraged us, and challenged us. The leaders of the group, Justin & Kate, are taking the semester off from teaching because they are welcoming their 4th child into the world next month! So, Ryan and I felt led to teach on marriage and are excited about what the Fall has in store for our group & pray that God strengthens our marriages in a mighty way.
We started this new study last night and I thought I would share each Monday following each Sunday that our group meets, 1st & 3rd Sunday of each month, a summary of our lesson via bullet points. We basically are working through a compilation of several marriage studies (and/or conferences) including Love & Respect, 5 Love Languages, & Love & Laughter. We broke it down into 6 sessions & dubbed it “Pink & Blue.” (In true Dixon way, we had to make it our own.)
Session 1: Pink vs. Blue
- Marriage is obviously difficult. Primarily because we are selfish.
- Communication is #1 problem in most marriages. Also known as the key to success.
- Often we hear but don’t listen. Often we are thinking of what to say next when someone else is speaking, rather than listening.
- Girls hear with pink ears, talk with pink mouths and see with pink eyes. Guys hear with blue ears, talk with blue mouths and see with blue eyes. Not wrong, just different. (see illustrations below)
- This poses communication issue. We aren’t speaking the same language.
1. In a disagreement, if he goes silent & withdraws this can feel like an act of hostility & lack of care to her. In actuality, he’s trying to calm down – protect her. In a disagreement, if she complains or wants to talk it out, this can feel like contempt to her husband. In actuality, she’s trying to connect with him.
2. The wife talks about wanting to lose weight and eat healthier foods. So, the husband sees a book about dieting and in an attempt to show her love buys it for her as a gift. She gets upset at him because with her pink eyes, she sees it as he’s calling her fat.
This communication issue & language barrier leads to the Crazy Cycle…
- Crazy Cycle: Without Love > She Reacts > Without Respect > He Reacts > cont’d
- Just as when a husband feels disrespected, it’s natural for him to be unloving, so too when a wife feels unloved, it’s natural for her to be disrespectful.
- Deepest need for a man is respect and the deepest need for woman is love.
- Men serve and die for honor- warriors. Women are born as nurturers – loving is easy for them.
- Wife needs to show unconditional respect, just as husband needs to show unconditional love.
1 Peter 3:1,2- “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and RESPECTFUL behavior.”
Ephesians 5:33- “Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”